The past few months have been difficult, and I'm looking forward to that artificial clean slate that comes with the New Year. I said goodbye to my latest class of students a little over a week ago, and I miss them. Several have graduated and are moving on in their life journeys. They were a bright spot in the bleakness of coping with my dad's illness and death this fall. I suppose in light of what's been going on in my life of late, it's not too surprising that my heart has been hurting. Unfortunately it's been more than emotional hurt as I've struggled again the last few months with palpitations and spells of rapid heart beats. The doctors have me on a monitor that records the problems so they can see if this is something that can be fixed. I hope so. This past week has been especially difficult, and left me contemplating my own mortality. That's probably a good thing for most of us to do from time to time. In any case, this past week after a particularly bad 24 hours, my husband and I went to dinner to celebrate with our church choir at the organist's home. As we gathered around the piano in her brightly decorated living room to sing Christmas carols, I closed my eyes and thought that if I had to die anytime soon, the memories of the beautiful music would carry my spirit heavenward. Then I thanked God for the good life I've had. My husband thinks that whatever is going on with my heart is not life threatening, and that's a good thing to know. I hope to live to see my beautiful grandkids grow up and to have a few more years to serve God here on God's good earth. As has been true from the beginning, however, my times are in God's good hands, and I'm content to rest in the peace of that knowledge.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Remember I love you
It's been almost a month since my last post. My dad two days after my last entry, and the past few weeks have been surreal in many ways. I think I have delayed writing this because it means acknowledging in a concrete way that he is really gone. For all that I know that, I still find myself reaching for the phone to call and talk with him. Even knowing that for the last month or so before he died that was no longer possible. He became much weaker and demented and was unable to talk on the phone anymore. I miss our conversations about life and about God. He was fond of telling me that God laughs when we tell God our plans for the future. I am grateful he is no longer suffering, and my heart smiles as I picture him reunited with my mother, who died fifteen years ago. He missed her more every year. So I'm trying not to grieve as those who have no hope, but rather in the sure and certain hope of the resurrection. And I'm grateful that my dad ended every phone call with, "Remember I love you." Even though I can't call him any more, I can still hear his voice reminding me of his love. Remember I love you too, Daddy.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Monday, November 10, 2008
Waiting for the inevitable
We won't get out of this alive--life that is. While that's true for most of us, for my dad it's become a matter of a few days or at most a week or two. I'm thankful he is now in hospice care where they are making him comfortable as he prepares to leave this life for the next. And so I'm waiting for the inevitable phone call to tell me he is gone.
In the meantime, I'm trying to stay focused on the obligations that keep me tethered here rather than at his side. And on the small joys that God keeps providing in my life to keep me going. This weekend, our youngest son and his son, our youngest grandson, came unexpectedly for a few hours. Our grandson is crawling everywhere now at the speed of greased lightning. He's also pulling up on any stationary object and occasionally letting go, so he'll be walking soon. He and I had fun playing peek-a-boo around the furniture while his dad and my husband watched football. He's such a happy, even-tempered, loving little guy. His presence eased the hurt in my heart.
So did the visit by our two oldest grand kids a few hours later. We got to keep them while their mom and and dad went to a college reunion. We played with the dogs, had mac and cheese and applesauce for supper, had a fire in the fireplace, watched Peter Pan after baths, and had a slumber party with the kids on sleeping bags in our bedroom. For a time, I forgot about everything else but the joy of being with these happy,loving little kids.
I'm also grateful for my class at the university. At first I felt guilty about having agreed to teach just a week or so before my dad was taken so ill. But as the semester has progressed and I've come to know these wonderful students, I've realized that God has provided me with yet another blessing to see me through this time. I cannot change what is happening with my dad, and he is in God's good hands in any case. Thank God for that! So I have the class to keep me busy, and the students who are a joy to teach.
God is good. All the time. Even now when life is sad, and my heart is heavy.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
In the meantime, I'm trying to stay focused on the obligations that keep me tethered here rather than at his side. And on the small joys that God keeps providing in my life to keep me going. This weekend, our youngest son and his son, our youngest grandson, came unexpectedly for a few hours. Our grandson is crawling everywhere now at the speed of greased lightning. He's also pulling up on any stationary object and occasionally letting go, so he'll be walking soon. He and I had fun playing peek-a-boo around the furniture while his dad and my husband watched football. He's such a happy, even-tempered, loving little guy. His presence eased the hurt in my heart.
So did the visit by our two oldest grand kids a few hours later. We got to keep them while their mom and and dad went to a college reunion. We played with the dogs, had mac and cheese and applesauce for supper, had a fire in the fireplace, watched Peter Pan after baths, and had a slumber party with the kids on sleeping bags in our bedroom. For a time, I forgot about everything else but the joy of being with these happy,loving little kids.
I'm also grateful for my class at the university. At first I felt guilty about having agreed to teach just a week or so before my dad was taken so ill. But as the semester has progressed and I've come to know these wonderful students, I've realized that God has provided me with yet another blessing to see me through this time. I cannot change what is happening with my dad, and he is in God's good hands in any case. Thank God for that! So I have the class to keep me busy, and the students who are a joy to teach.
God is good. All the time. Even now when life is sad, and my heart is heavy.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Friday, October 17, 2008
Angel Duty
This has been one of those times in my life when I have wondered if God is paying attention to what's going on in my life. I know that God has many more important things to be paying attention to in this world. Yesterday, however, I had an experience I'll return to in the future whenever I wonder if God cares about the details in my life. I had an early morning doctor's appointment and fortunately was through in plenty of time to make it to the class I teach at the local university. As I walked up to my car in the clinic parking lot, I noticed someone striding purposefully towards me. While I was unlocking the car, this individual pulled her sweatshirt hood off her head, and I realized it was a young woman. She asked if I knew where the Texas Workforce Commission office was and if it was close. I started to describe where it was, pointing to the traffic light and telling her it was just down the hill past the light and left at the next street.
Her face fell, and I suddenly found myself asking if she wanted a ride. She said she would appreciate that, so I emptied the front seat, and we took off right about 9:30 a.m. She told me she had been walking from 25th street (a good 4 or 5 miles from where I encountered her) since the friend who was supposed to give her a ride had not shown up as promised. She also said she'd been praying the whole way that she would make it in time because they had told her if she was not there by 9:35 they would not allow her in for the appointment. I told her she could rest assured that God had answered her prayer as I'm was not in the habit of offering rides to people I didn't know. I also told her that I was sure that God had something waiting for her at the appointment.
When I pulled up to the employment office, it was 9:34. She thanked me, and I told her she had made my morning. She hurried into the building, and I said a prayer that this determined young woman would find a job. It all happened so fast, that it was only as I was driving away that I started calculating the odds of her walking up just as I was preparing to get into my car, of my being someone who knew where the employment office was located (it's in an obscure place, but close to where my office once was located), and of my being moved to offer her the ride, without which she would never have made it to the appointment on time. Only God could have coordinated such a string of split-second coincidences to both answer this young woman's prayer, and allow me the benefit of playing angel for a stranger. When I asked God about that, God just smiled and laughed, the way God often does at such moments.
Life has been sad and stressful for me of late, but now when I find myself wondering if God really cares about the details of my life, I'll remember the determined young woman, who prayed she would make her appointment at the employment office on time, and how God allowed me to be the angel who answered her prayer. And I'll rest assured that the God who knows the number of hairs on my head cares very much what's happening in my life and in the lives of all God's other children. Thanks be to God for that.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Her face fell, and I suddenly found myself asking if she wanted a ride. She said she would appreciate that, so I emptied the front seat, and we took off right about 9:30 a.m. She told me she had been walking from 25th street (a good 4 or 5 miles from where I encountered her) since the friend who was supposed to give her a ride had not shown up as promised. She also said she'd been praying the whole way that she would make it in time because they had told her if she was not there by 9:35 they would not allow her in for the appointment. I told her she could rest assured that God had answered her prayer as I'm was not in the habit of offering rides to people I didn't know. I also told her that I was sure that God had something waiting for her at the appointment.
When I pulled up to the employment office, it was 9:34. She thanked me, and I told her she had made my morning. She hurried into the building, and I said a prayer that this determined young woman would find a job. It all happened so fast, that it was only as I was driving away that I started calculating the odds of her walking up just as I was preparing to get into my car, of my being someone who knew where the employment office was located (it's in an obscure place, but close to where my office once was located), and of my being moved to offer her the ride, without which she would never have made it to the appointment on time. Only God could have coordinated such a string of split-second coincidences to both answer this young woman's prayer, and allow me the benefit of playing angel for a stranger. When I asked God about that, God just smiled and laughed, the way God often does at such moments.
Life has been sad and stressful for me of late, but now when I find myself wondering if God really cares about the details of my life, I'll remember the determined young woman, who prayed she would make her appointment at the employment office on time, and how God allowed me to be the angel who answered her prayer. And I'll rest assured that the God who knows the number of hairs on my head cares very much what's happening in my life and in the lives of all God's other children. Thanks be to God for that.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Saturday, October 11, 2008
First do no harm
It was Hippocrates, a wise physician from ancient times, who said in providing medical care, the physician is first to do no harm. I have thought about that this week as my sisters and I have wrestled with how best to care for my dad at the end of his life. We returned late last night from our visit with him many miles away. Because he can no longer swallow even water at this point without inhaling it into his lungs, the skilled nursing center where he is now living recommended a feeding tube in hopes he will be stronger if he can eat and drink and participate in therapy.
The catch of course is that he did not want a feeding tube to simply prolong his life. After much discussion, my sisters and I, with the advice of my physician husband, reluctantly agreed to allow the tube to be placed with the understanding that the feeding can be stopped in the future if it is truly at that point merely prolonging his suffering. I am still ambivalent about this decision as it's hard to foresee what the future holds, and I'm afraid we may have just begun to do that which he did not want done. My dad has said he is ready to die. He's blind and his body and his mind are failing him. He has also missed my mother more with each passing year in the 15 years since her death. It's not a pretty picture all around. I am praying for God to watch over him and to guide us as we discern what is best for him.
My husband does not think he will be around for much longer in any case. When we visited him in the hospital before leaving to return home, I held his hand and read to him from the Psalms. My husband and I prayed with him before we left, with a heavy heart on my part as I don't expect to see him again in this life. I'm glad to know he is in God's good hands whatever happens.
This past week also included a funeral for a friend from church, a graveside service for my husband's mother, and news that the wife of one of his cousins had died. We will not make that funeral tomorrow. I am weighed down with sorrow at the moment. I've learned that some times in life are simply more full of sadness than others. At such times I'm especially grateful for the love of family and friends and for God's presence when I with me. I would not be able to stand at all in such times without God's help. I have no doubt this time of sorrow, like the ones that have come before, will pass. For everything there is a season, and now is another season of sorrow. Even at such times, however, God's love sustains me. Thanks be to God!
Grace and peace,
Donna Sue
The catch of course is that he did not want a feeding tube to simply prolong his life. After much discussion, my sisters and I, with the advice of my physician husband, reluctantly agreed to allow the tube to be placed with the understanding that the feeding can be stopped in the future if it is truly at that point merely prolonging his suffering. I am still ambivalent about this decision as it's hard to foresee what the future holds, and I'm afraid we may have just begun to do that which he did not want done. My dad has said he is ready to die. He's blind and his body and his mind are failing him. He has also missed my mother more with each passing year in the 15 years since her death. It's not a pretty picture all around. I am praying for God to watch over him and to guide us as we discern what is best for him.
My husband does not think he will be around for much longer in any case. When we visited him in the hospital before leaving to return home, I held his hand and read to him from the Psalms. My husband and I prayed with him before we left, with a heavy heart on my part as I don't expect to see him again in this life. I'm glad to know he is in God's good hands whatever happens.
This past week also included a funeral for a friend from church, a graveside service for my husband's mother, and news that the wife of one of his cousins had died. We will not make that funeral tomorrow. I am weighed down with sorrow at the moment. I've learned that some times in life are simply more full of sadness than others. At such times I'm especially grateful for the love of family and friends and for God's presence when I with me. I would not be able to stand at all in such times without God's help. I have no doubt this time of sorrow, like the ones that have come before, will pass. For everything there is a season, and now is another season of sorrow. Even at such times, however, God's love sustains me. Thanks be to God!
Grace and peace,
Donna Sue
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Fear and Faith
The past ten days have been some of the longest in my life, longer even than the days of waiting for our oldest son to be born a week late. This waiting has not been so happy. Our oldest son's son has been gravely ill with high fevers for many days. He also refused to drink or eat much of anything.
I have learned again the exhaustion of prayer without ceasing. We finally got to see him this weekend, and I was able to hold him in my arms and not just in my prayers. It was hard to see him so thin and listless, like the little ones I used to rock in the local neonatal intensive care unit. He's always been such a happy baby with a joyous laugh. I've spent these many days beseeching God for healing for him, and for comfort for his parents. I realized, with great reluctance, that all I could do besides pray was to place him in God's good hands and trust that God would care for him, whatever the outcome. Not an easy thing for a grandmother to do.
I was helped by memories of a young woman I met among the evacuees from Hurricane Ike. She came to the arts and crafts room where I volunteered with her small children and created a beautiful piece of artwork out of construction paper. She made an apple tree, complete with bright red apples cut with a hole punch, and below the tree she wrote in Spanish, "Count the blessings God has given you." On a small heart, she wrote, "Jesus will not leave you alone and friendless. Live your faith." In the past ten days I have clung to the wisdom of this faithful young woman in her challenging circumstances as I've attempted to live my own faith in a difficult time.
Thanks be to God, our grandson finally seems to be making some progress towards health. His fever is gone, and he has started eating and drinking again and sleeping. So now I'm praying for his complete recovery. I want to see once again the happy, laughing little boy who brightened our lives. I'm still exhausted, but now with relief. I'm especially grateful to God for accepting my prayers and my fears and my hopes in such a dark time. God is good, even when a grandmother's heart has a hard time feeling that reality.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
I have learned again the exhaustion of prayer without ceasing. We finally got to see him this weekend, and I was able to hold him in my arms and not just in my prayers. It was hard to see him so thin and listless, like the little ones I used to rock in the local neonatal intensive care unit. He's always been such a happy baby with a joyous laugh. I've spent these many days beseeching God for healing for him, and for comfort for his parents. I realized, with great reluctance, that all I could do besides pray was to place him in God's good hands and trust that God would care for him, whatever the outcome. Not an easy thing for a grandmother to do.
I was helped by memories of a young woman I met among the evacuees from Hurricane Ike. She came to the arts and crafts room where I volunteered with her small children and created a beautiful piece of artwork out of construction paper. She made an apple tree, complete with bright red apples cut with a hole punch, and below the tree she wrote in Spanish, "Count the blessings God has given you." On a small heart, she wrote, "Jesus will not leave you alone and friendless. Live your faith." In the past ten days I have clung to the wisdom of this faithful young woman in her challenging circumstances as I've attempted to live my own faith in a difficult time.
Thanks be to God, our grandson finally seems to be making some progress towards health. His fever is gone, and he has started eating and drinking again and sleeping. So now I'm praying for his complete recovery. I want to see once again the happy, laughing little boy who brightened our lives. I'm still exhausted, but now with relief. I'm especially grateful to God for accepting my prayers and my fears and my hopes in such a dark time. God is good, even when a grandmother's heart has a hard time feeling that reality.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Glitter Glory
My husband and I spent a number of hours yesterday and today at a Red Cross Shelter for Hurricane Ike evacuees, who came in from the Texas coast. He spent most of his time doing sick call since he's a physician. I spent mine doing arts and crafts with the children, who were bored away from their normal activities. What a blessing it was to spend time with them. I got to practice my Spanish, as many spoke Spanish and some spoke little English. I had to ask some of the kids for help translating the words for such things as markers, scissors, hole punch, stapler, glue and glitter. They were not in my vocabulary.
The shelter is at a Jewish camp north of us. The director and his wife are good friends, so that is how we ended up volunteering there. We were there after Hurricane Rita as well, and I learned then that my rudimentary Spanish was most helpful. I joked with Loui, the camp director, that since Rita I'd learned a little Chinese. He commented that he didn't think I'd need that. Turns out he was wrong. Four-year old Jason, who's from Houston, heard me speaking Spanish yesterday, and told me he spoke Chinese. His eyes were huge when I told him I did too (an exaggeration though I can carry on rudimentary conversation). He giggled whenever I spoke to him in Chinese, and his big sister, Amy, gently corrected my pronunciation. She also gave me a picture of horses she drew, which I will treasure. Before they left after lunch today to go home to Houston, she took a picture of me with her brother, and he took one of me with his sister. I will miss them!
I actually owe Jason credit for the glitter escapade. Anna, the young rabbi and chaplain from Dallas who was at the camp, opened the art supply closet for us. It was a kid's dream. We couldn't allow the kids in, but Jason would stand at the door and make requests. He was the one who saw the glitter and asked for some. It turned out to be the most popular of all the art supplies. The kids had great fun with glue and glitter, which of course ended up everywhere! What's an art room for if you can't make a mess? My husband laughed when I joined him for lunch because I had glitter on my face. I also had some on my shoes and my clothes--bits of sunshine and rainbow glory in a dark and scary time, a reminder of the rainbow promise God gave Noah. God is good all the time. Even, and maybe especially, in the midst of a hurricane evacuation.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
The shelter is at a Jewish camp north of us. The director and his wife are good friends, so that is how we ended up volunteering there. We were there after Hurricane Rita as well, and I learned then that my rudimentary Spanish was most helpful. I joked with Loui, the camp director, that since Rita I'd learned a little Chinese. He commented that he didn't think I'd need that. Turns out he was wrong. Four-year old Jason, who's from Houston, heard me speaking Spanish yesterday, and told me he spoke Chinese. His eyes were huge when I told him I did too (an exaggeration though I can carry on rudimentary conversation). He giggled whenever I spoke to him in Chinese, and his big sister, Amy, gently corrected my pronunciation. She also gave me a picture of horses she drew, which I will treasure. Before they left after lunch today to go home to Houston, she took a picture of me with her brother, and he took one of me with his sister. I will miss them!
I actually owe Jason credit for the glitter escapade. Anna, the young rabbi and chaplain from Dallas who was at the camp, opened the art supply closet for us. It was a kid's dream. We couldn't allow the kids in, but Jason would stand at the door and make requests. He was the one who saw the glitter and asked for some. It turned out to be the most popular of all the art supplies. The kids had great fun with glue and glitter, which of course ended up everywhere! What's an art room for if you can't make a mess? My husband laughed when I joined him for lunch because I had glitter on my face. I also had some on my shoes and my clothes--bits of sunshine and rainbow glory in a dark and scary time, a reminder of the rainbow promise God gave Noah. God is good all the time. Even, and maybe especially, in the midst of a hurricane evacuation.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Computer blahs
Well, I'm not bored, and I'm not finding it easy to find time to write these days. I'm enjoying the Business Ethics class, but keeping up with the assignments is keeping me busy. I suspect my students would say the same thing. I've also spent more time than I would like so far wrestling with the university's computers. That has happened in the past at the beginning of each semester, but I was lulled into complacency since I was able to log on without problems this semester. Now for some unknown reason the messages I'm trying to send to the class are bouncing back, and I'm frustrated. When the technology works it's a blessing, but when it doesn't it's anything but. Of course I guess that's true with a lot of things in this world. All in all I prefer the simpler blessings, of which my life has a great abundance, a loving family, enjoyable work to do, plenty to eat, a safe place to live, freedom to worship, good health. Focusing on them makes it easier to forget the technological challenges that are part of life these days, at least for many in our culture. Better to focus on God and God's blessings. O, give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. God is good. All the time. Even when the computers are not.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Thursday, August 28, 2008
For everything there is a season
This has been a week of ups and downs. I met my new class of Business Ethics students this morning, and I'm looking forward to getting to know them better this semester. They seem like a great bunch, and several know each other already. They are all close to finishing college and stepping out into the world, though at least one is in college after a career in the military. From what I heard this morning, there is such a wide variety of experiences represented that I think we will have great discussions.
At the other end of life from these students on the brink of beginning their professional lives is my dad. My sister called to tell me his retirement home had called her today. He fell last night, and they've sent him to the hospital to be checked out. He's been struggling of late, and I had to gently tell my sister that at 85 it may simply be that his life is approaching the end. For now I've requested prayers from our church for him and for us as we struggle to know how best to care for him long distance. I'm grateful for my church community, and especially grateful for God's presence in this journey.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
At the other end of life from these students on the brink of beginning their professional lives is my dad. My sister called to tell me his retirement home had called her today. He fell last night, and they've sent him to the hospital to be checked out. He's been struggling of late, and I had to gently tell my sister that at 85 it may simply be that his life is approaching the end. For now I've requested prayers from our church for him and for us as we struggle to know how best to care for him long distance. I'm grateful for my church community, and especially grateful for God's presence in this journey.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Monday, August 25, 2008
Hope
I am sad today that the Olympics are over. I love to watch people who are good at what they do, and Olympic athletes are very good at what they do. I'm not sorry to stop watching, because I will now have quite a bit of extra time (which I'm going to need as I agreed the end of last week to teach again), but I am sad that after two weeks of positive interaction among citizens of many of the world's countries, the world will now mostly go back to business as usual. That will involve lots of less than pleasant interactions among the world's countries.
I was touched by the comments of one of the newscasters at the very end of the last broadcast last night after the closing ceremonies. He wistfully said, if we can get along for two weeks, maybe we can do that for three weeks, or a month, or even longer. Wouldn't that be a blessing!
On the other hand, I would not discount the benefits that will flow from the interactions that occurred at the Olympics. It's a lot easier to hate people you don't know, and those that participated in and attended the Olympics now know people from other countries in a way they didn't before this event. That will inevitably color their perceptions of other countries and their people in the future, hopefully in positive ways.
Now if we could just work that same magic among the Democrats and the Republicans in this country.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
I was touched by the comments of one of the newscasters at the very end of the last broadcast last night after the closing ceremonies. He wistfully said, if we can get along for two weeks, maybe we can do that for three weeks, or a month, or even longer. Wouldn't that be a blessing!
On the other hand, I would not discount the benefits that will flow from the interactions that occurred at the Olympics. It's a lot easier to hate people you don't know, and those that participated in and attended the Olympics now know people from other countries in a way they didn't before this event. That will inevitably color their perceptions of other countries and their people in the future, hopefully in positive ways.
Now if we could just work that same magic among the Democrats and the Republicans in this country.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Friday, August 22, 2008
Tis a gift to be simple
I fear I may be turning into a grumpy old woman, set in my ways and even more resistant to change than I was when I was younger. My husband is sitting at the breakfast table with a manual trying to figure out how to make his beeper stop sounding off at 7:40 a.m. each morning for no particular reason. I commented that it ought not to take the equivalent of a semester of college to figure out how to work each new electronic device. It seems as if everything new thing these days has an electronic chip implanted. It becomes wearying to my soul to try to figure them out.
I like the simpler things in life, though obviously I also like the computer and the wonders it has brought into my life. Perhaps in part my brain is simply full from too many years of learning many things, and I'm starting to become choosy about what else I want to learn. Simple is a blessing these days. I think one of our grandsons thinks so as well. I found a big plastic truck with little cars on top for his first birthday, and then worried when I saw all the flashing toys with their music and action that others brought to the party. Turns out he really likes the truck. He makes the noises and the motion himself. Hopefully he'll hang on to some of that impulse as he matures! For now the beeper is probably not going to sound every morning. And I'm going to go walk Moses and Zipporah. Dogs also like the simple things, which may be why I value their company. Somehow I think simple is in some mysterious way closer to the heart of God.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
I like the simpler things in life, though obviously I also like the computer and the wonders it has brought into my life. Perhaps in part my brain is simply full from too many years of learning many things, and I'm starting to become choosy about what else I want to learn. Simple is a blessing these days. I think one of our grandsons thinks so as well. I found a big plastic truck with little cars on top for his first birthday, and then worried when I saw all the flashing toys with their music and action that others brought to the party. Turns out he really likes the truck. He makes the noises and the motion himself. Hopefully he'll hang on to some of that impulse as he matures! For now the beeper is probably not going to sound every morning. And I'm going to go walk Moses and Zipporah. Dogs also like the simple things, which may be why I value their company. Somehow I think simple is in some mysterious way closer to the heart of God.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Finding Faith
I have been struggling yet again with scripture in preparation for preaching. I think this may be the toughest scripture yet, though I admit I've thought that in the past at times. I'm been wrestling with the story in Chapter 15 of Matthew's Gospel about Jesus' encounter with the Canaanite woman. She comes to him for help for her daughter, who's possessed by the demons of mental illness. Jesus at first is silent and then rebuffs her with a racial epithet common at the time before finally responding to her wit. It's a tough story.
The biggest part of the difficulty with this story for me is that the actions of Jesus portrayed by Matthew are simply out of character compared to the rest of the stories about Jesus. This was a man who regularly reached across the boundaries of gender and culture and even religion, and who got in trouble with his faith's religious leaders because of his association with the wrong sorts of people. Wiser minds than mine have also struggled with this story, and from what I have found in my research, there doesn't seem to be any consensus about the reasons for Jesus' uncharacteristic behavior. One commentator suggested Matthew was trying to appease two factions within the church, one of which was opposed to any mission to the Gentiles, and one of which was not. Some suggest Jesus was testing the faith of the woman, or of his disciples or both. Yet others suggest Jesus was being humorous in his interaction, which of course does not translate well on the written page. All of this of course began with writing that probably came from oral tradition and that has since been translated through several languages. Anyone who knows anything about translating from one language to another knows how imprecise that can be.
What is clear is that the Canaanite woman was possessed of deep love for her daughter, a love that made her willing to overcome any barriers, including those of gender, ethnicity and religion, to obtain help for her daughter. She also acted with reverence, responding to God's presence and promise in Jesus. She was persistent in seeking God's mercy and grace. Jesus responded to her love and faith, perhaps against his inclinations, perhaps not. In return her faith had to have been balm to his spirit, wounded by encounters with the religious leaders of his own faith. Matthew's story is a reminder that faith can be found in places and in people where we least expect it. It's also a reminder that the human created boundaries that separate us from one another are no barrier to God's love and grace and mercy.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
The biggest part of the difficulty with this story for me is that the actions of Jesus portrayed by Matthew are simply out of character compared to the rest of the stories about Jesus. This was a man who regularly reached across the boundaries of gender and culture and even religion, and who got in trouble with his faith's religious leaders because of his association with the wrong sorts of people. Wiser minds than mine have also struggled with this story, and from what I have found in my research, there doesn't seem to be any consensus about the reasons for Jesus' uncharacteristic behavior. One commentator suggested Matthew was trying to appease two factions within the church, one of which was opposed to any mission to the Gentiles, and one of which was not. Some suggest Jesus was testing the faith of the woman, or of his disciples or both. Yet others suggest Jesus was being humorous in his interaction, which of course does not translate well on the written page. All of this of course began with writing that probably came from oral tradition and that has since been translated through several languages. Anyone who knows anything about translating from one language to another knows how imprecise that can be.
What is clear is that the Canaanite woman was possessed of deep love for her daughter, a love that made her willing to overcome any barriers, including those of gender, ethnicity and religion, to obtain help for her daughter. She also acted with reverence, responding to God's presence and promise in Jesus. She was persistent in seeking God's mercy and grace. Jesus responded to her love and faith, perhaps against his inclinations, perhaps not. In return her faith had to have been balm to his spirit, wounded by encounters with the religious leaders of his own faith. Matthew's story is a reminder that faith can be found in places and in people where we least expect it. It's also a reminder that the human created boundaries that separate us from one another are no barrier to God's love and grace and mercy.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Monday, August 4, 2008
Suffering
A number of members of our congregation have been reading through the entire Bible this year. It's been a rewarding project. I've been reading Eugene Peterson's paraphrase in The Message, which reads more like a story book than the NRSV translation of the Bible. I've learned things I didn't know, and have a greater appreciation for some of the things I already knew. For example, after reading all the details of the planning and construction of the Temple in Jerusalem, I found myself truly sad when I read the story of its destruction in 587 B.C. I have worked hard to be sure I never fall more than a day or two behind. There's not a lot of reading for each day, but it piles up if I don't do the work on a regular basis. So far I've managed to never get more than a couple of days behind. I will miss this next year when I've finished all the reading.
In a couple of days, I will have finished reading the book of Job, the story of one man's suffering and all the inadequate responses his friends make in their efforts to get him to see the light and admit that he must somehow deserve what has happened in his life. Otherwise they will be forced to accept the fact that sometimes bad things really do happen to good people. We visited my husband's step mother this past weekend, and she is still deeply grieving the death of my father-in-law in May. They had such a short time together, and were so happy that his death has been really hard on her. This morning at the gym I struck up a conversation with one of the twins, two men in their 70s who are at the gym whenever I show up. He said that this week his wife will have been in a nursing home for seven years, and that's a long time. She has Alzheimer's, and he says he thinks it's the worst disease. I said I could see that as the person you love is still there, but they're not, and I expressed my condolences for his suffering in this situation. His wife seems to be beyond much suffering a this point.
Some days, like Job, I wonder what God is thinking when I look around and see the suffering of this world. For all the great theologians that have struggled with this problem, I don't think anyone has come up with any good answers. I know Job's friends didn't! What I do know is that in the darkest times of my life, when I have hurt beyond bearing, God has been as close to me as my very breath. So while, like Job, I may question God in my hurt and anger, I also trust that God loves me, and I'm grateful for that love to hold onto in this scary world.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
In a couple of days, I will have finished reading the book of Job, the story of one man's suffering and all the inadequate responses his friends make in their efforts to get him to see the light and admit that he must somehow deserve what has happened in his life. Otherwise they will be forced to accept the fact that sometimes bad things really do happen to good people. We visited my husband's step mother this past weekend, and she is still deeply grieving the death of my father-in-law in May. They had such a short time together, and were so happy that his death has been really hard on her. This morning at the gym I struck up a conversation with one of the twins, two men in their 70s who are at the gym whenever I show up. He said that this week his wife will have been in a nursing home for seven years, and that's a long time. She has Alzheimer's, and he says he thinks it's the worst disease. I said I could see that as the person you love is still there, but they're not, and I expressed my condolences for his suffering in this situation. His wife seems to be beyond much suffering a this point.
Some days, like Job, I wonder what God is thinking when I look around and see the suffering of this world. For all the great theologians that have struggled with this problem, I don't think anyone has come up with any good answers. I know Job's friends didn't! What I do know is that in the darkest times of my life, when I have hurt beyond bearing, God has been as close to me as my very breath. So while, like Job, I may question God in my hurt and anger, I also trust that God loves me, and I'm grateful for that love to hold onto in this scary world.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
All Creatures of Our God and King
Lift up your voice and with us sing, Alleluia. This wonderful ancient song based on a poem by Francis of Assisi from 1225 has been running through my head since Moses and Zipporah woke me up barking this morning in stereo. My husband told me later they were watching two armadillos working their way down the fence. Though at the time they woke me from a dead sound sleep, I was not thinking of singing, the song is a reminder for me that we are the creatures, not the Creator. This past week was a sober reminder of that fact. We once again left the beach to escape an incoming hurricane. We left South Padre Island as Hurricane Dolly's outer rain bands began blowing in. What blew up rather quickly as a tropical storm was a Category Two hurricane by the time it hit South Padre Island dead on. By then we were in San Antonio watching the weather on television. For all that the vacation at the beach was cut short, we were grateful to be safe and glad that at last report there did not seem to be many injuries, though there was quite a bit of damage. Even after Dolly made landfall, the damage continued from the torrential rains. Whenever we think we are in control of this world and the universe, nature can quickly remind us that we are not. On most days I think that is a good thing.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Summertime
We leave in a few days for the beach. My husband has a conference and our middle son will also attend with him for the first time. Both are physicians. Our daughter-in-law and two oldest grand kids will also be going, so we will have lots of kid fun at the beach. We're travelling together to save gas as it's a long ways from where we live in Central Texas to the coast. I pray this will be a good time for my husband, who lost his mother recently. His father died in May. I always find the majesty of God's ocean soothing to my soul. It's a reminder that I'm not in control of the universe, and that's a good thing! It has been awhile since we made this trek. Last time Hurricane Emily arrived in South Texas shortly after we did so we left the island after only one afternoon on the beach. I'm accustomed to taking my portable easel and sitting under a large beach umbrella and painting while we there. In fact I learned after the first couple of summers of painting on the beach that I had become mildly famous as the artist on the beach. I actually sold a couple of paintings, an amazing experience as I paint for fun, not for profit. This time I think I will reluctantly leave my easel behind. There's only so much room in our van and with six of us making the trip I suspect we'll need the space for other things. And I will want to spend the time playing with the grand kids and talking with our son and daughter-in-law as well as simply relaxing. When we return I have another sermon to prepare. Summer is almost over and the pace will pick up as fall arrives. What a blessing to have an opportunity to slow down and play in God's beautiful world. I pray that will be healing balm to my husband's hurting heart.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Sowing Seeds
It's beginning to feel as if the only time I take the time to post to this blog is when I'm working on another sermon. Bloggin is probably yet another creative way to procrastinate getting back to the hard work of preparation. Even though I know for a fact that God helps me in this process, I still have to do my part. This time I'm wrestling with the parable of the sower, who scattered seeds with such wild abandon that they landed on the path, the rocks, and among the thorn bushes as well as on good soil--much like God's scattering of grace on the just and the unjust alike.
I have learned that broadcasting seed was the way to plant in Jesus' time and place. The seeds were scattered and then plowed under, the reverse of modern Western practice. Not being a farmer, what I didn't realize about this parable before I began this preparation process is that the reported harvest at the end of the story was a ridiculously extravagant one. The expected return for seed sown in Jesus' time and locale would have been about seven to ten fold. Instead the story tells of a harvest of 30, 60 or 100 fold, extravagant even with modern farming methods. As is always the case in Jesus' parables, something unusual is going on.
What I'm now struggling with is how to convey the unusual part of this story in a fresh way to our congregation. (As a side note, it's always scarier for me to preach in our home church, for these are people who have known me a long time.) What I've also learned in reading the commentaries and studying this passage is that Jesus aimed the parable directly at his disciples, implicitly asking them, "what type of soil do you provide and what kind of harvest can God expect in your life?" That's certainly cutting to the heart of the matter.
So now I'm wrestling with how to teach the congregation that this parable is not about judging the quality of soil in someone else's life, and that being good soil requires constant effort and attention, just like planting and caring for a garden. Maybe I'm also procrastinating because I'm now wondering what type of soil I am today, and hoping to produce a good harvest. May the Master Gardner grown an abundance of fruit in your life.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
I have learned that broadcasting seed was the way to plant in Jesus' time and place. The seeds were scattered and then plowed under, the reverse of modern Western practice. Not being a farmer, what I didn't realize about this parable before I began this preparation process is that the reported harvest at the end of the story was a ridiculously extravagant one. The expected return for seed sown in Jesus' time and locale would have been about seven to ten fold. Instead the story tells of a harvest of 30, 60 or 100 fold, extravagant even with modern farming methods. As is always the case in Jesus' parables, something unusual is going on.
What I'm now struggling with is how to convey the unusual part of this story in a fresh way to our congregation. (As a side note, it's always scarier for me to preach in our home church, for these are people who have known me a long time.) What I've also learned in reading the commentaries and studying this passage is that Jesus aimed the parable directly at his disciples, implicitly asking them, "what type of soil do you provide and what kind of harvest can God expect in your life?" That's certainly cutting to the heart of the matter.
So now I'm wrestling with how to teach the congregation that this parable is not about judging the quality of soil in someone else's life, and that being good soil requires constant effort and attention, just like planting and caring for a garden. Maybe I'm also procrastinating because I'm now wondering what type of soil I am today, and hoping to produce a good harvest. May the Master Gardner grown an abundance of fruit in your life.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Carnage in the Kitchen
When we came back from walking the dogs this morning, my husband found a fat spider crawling across the kitchen floor and squashed it. The carcass exploded into hundreds of itsy bitty spiders, which rapidly began to scatter while he ran to fetch the handheld vacuum and suck them up. I walked in on the tail end of this drama. I was glad not to have hundreds of spiders running amok through the house, but also sad at the thought of so much death and destruction. I am a mother myself after all.
I'm preaching tomorrow on the general topic of chaos, and this event was a good prelude to my discussion of the ways that chaos has of crashing unexpectedly into our lives. And a good reminder of the real topic of the sermon, which is that living lives of faith and obedience gives us a life preserver to hold onto when life's storms and inevitable chaos threaten to drown us. At least that's the message I took from Jesus' parable about the wise builder who built on a solid rock foundation by hearing and following Jesus' teachings from the Sermon on the Mount and whose house stood when the rains fell and the floods came and the wind blew.
One of the commentaries I read in preparation said there is an ancient rabbinical parable that also tells of two builders. The wise one knows the Torah and acts upon it, while the foolish one merely knows, but does not act. More is required for faithful living than just hearing the teachings. Life change in response to hearing is the only thing that will give us a solid foundation on which to stand when life's storms come crashing in upon us.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
I'm preaching tomorrow on the general topic of chaos, and this event was a good prelude to my discussion of the ways that chaos has of crashing unexpectedly into our lives. And a good reminder of the real topic of the sermon, which is that living lives of faith and obedience gives us a life preserver to hold onto when life's storms and inevitable chaos threaten to drown us. At least that's the message I took from Jesus' parable about the wise builder who built on a solid rock foundation by hearing and following Jesus' teachings from the Sermon on the Mount and whose house stood when the rains fell and the floods came and the wind blew.
One of the commentaries I read in preparation said there is an ancient rabbinical parable that also tells of two builders. The wise one knows the Torah and acts upon it, while the foolish one merely knows, but does not act. More is required for faithful living than just hearing the teachings. Life change in response to hearing is the only thing that will give us a solid foundation on which to stand when life's storms come crashing in upon us.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Monday, May 26, 2008
Time
We managed to have all our children and all our grandchildren together in one place at the same time this weekend for a couple of hours, an increasingly rare occurrence. As I watched my sons and their wives interact with our grandchildren, I marvelled at what good parents they are. And I also wondered at where the time has gone, for it seems only the blink of an eye since our sons were little and demanding more energy and attention than it seemed humanly possible to provide. What a blessing to have lived long enough to know my children's children. I do not know if I will live long enough to see great grandchildren, but I am content to know my times are in God's good hands. At times such as we enjoyed this weekend, life seems filled to overflowing with God's goodness. At such times especially, it is worthwhile to take the time to reflect on that and to give thanks.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Sunday, May 18, 2008
For everything there is a season
And a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die;... a time to week, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance." Ecclesiastes 3:1,2 & 4
This week has been a time for death and mourning in our family. My husband's father died after a long life and 6 months of increasing illness and disability. It was also a time to laugh and share memories and to be with family, which is always good for us even under difficult circumstances. I like the book of Ecclesiastes in the Bible because it's a blessing for me to know it's okay to have a dark view of life at times and that one can still worship and hold God in deep reverence from such a perspective. The teacher who is credited as the author sounds much like a modern cynic at times.
I've been reading and contemplating different scripture as I prepare to preach again in a couple of weeks. The scriptures on the lectionary for June 1st have to do with water, and I've been thinking about the fact that to the ancients water was connected with chaos. I guess not just for the ancients as recent events in Myanmar demonstrate and in China where water is adding to the destruction of the recent massive earthquake.
Death is a different type of chaos. Roget's Thesaurus lists disorder, confusion and void as synonyms for chaos. Having lost my mother 15 years ago this month, I think those are all good descriptions of some of what I felt after losing a parent. My husband commented that now he's the old man in his family, as I'm the old woman in mine. I'm grateful for the teacher's writings in Ecclesiastes on the seasons of life and of death. I'm not sure of all that God had in mind when we were created as creatures who die, but I do know that we are all in God's hands and that they are good hands. And I'm content to face the chaos of this life and this world secure in that knowledge.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Zai jian
My husband and I have just finished a semester of Conversational Chinese at the local university with Yan Yong, a young professor who came from China for a year as a Fulbright Scholar. It has been an amazing, challenging and wonderful experience to learn more about the language and culture that is part of the heritage of one of our grandsons. Yan is a linguist and a truly gifted teacher. I realize how much I don't know after one semester, but I also realize we have come a long ways. My husband and I can now carry on basic conversations in Chinese, and no one around us here in central Texas is likely to understand what we're saying--even people who actually speak Chinese because our pronunciation is so bad!
What I didn't count on was becoming so fond of our teacher. Saying goodbye to her Tuesday evening after the final exam, was really hard. She has the harder task of parting with many people she has come to know over the last two semesters, but I have no doubt her family and her fiance are waiting expectantly for her to return home. What a blessing she has been in our lives, a blessing that will continue to bless our little grandson now that all his grandparents speak at least a little Chinese (his other grandmother grew up speaking Chinese. Hopefully he will be encouraged to pass on his rich heritage to his children as well. The Bible teaches that God's blessings run to children and children's children. Yan has blessed our family far into the future. Zai Jian, by the way, is the Chinese way of saying good bye, and it literally means see again. A good way to say good bye. That English expression, by the way, has been shortened from the original "God be with ye," also a good way to say good bye.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
What I didn't count on was becoming so fond of our teacher. Saying goodbye to her Tuesday evening after the final exam, was really hard. She has the harder task of parting with many people she has come to know over the last two semesters, but I have no doubt her family and her fiance are waiting expectantly for her to return home. What a blessing she has been in our lives, a blessing that will continue to bless our little grandson now that all his grandparents speak at least a little Chinese (his other grandmother grew up speaking Chinese. Hopefully he will be encouraged to pass on his rich heritage to his children as well. The Bible teaches that God's blessings run to children and children's children. Yan has blessed our family far into the future. Zai Jian, by the way, is the Chinese way of saying good bye, and it literally means see again. A good way to say good bye. That English expression, by the way, has been shortened from the original "God be with ye," also a good way to say good bye.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Friday, March 28, 2008
Drinking Deeply
I have begun work on my next sermon and have been focused on the text from John's Gospel where Jesus tells his disciples, "whatever you ask for in my name will be granted." I asked our choir director to repeat an anthem we did just before Easter on the Sunday I will be preaching. It's a particularly beautiful piece, and the choir loved it. More importantly it talks of drinking "deeply of the endless water of life." I think that's how one goes about praying in Jesus' name--by drinking deeply of the living water Christ offers. I don't think praying in Jesus' name means simply tacking on "in Jesus' name" at the end of a prayer like some magical incantation, though there's certainly nothing wrong with adding that phrase to a prayer. But I think what's more important is drinking deeply of Christ and in so doing learning how to pray as He did. It's that simple, and that difficult.
As I was pondering this topic and how best to speak to our congregation (which this time will include one of my sons and his wife!), I received a phone call advising me that I'd won first place in poetry and non-fiction in this year's local literary contest. A second call told me as a result of winning the poetry prize, I would be named poet laureate for the next year. I am still in shock over that! As I concluded my seminary education and was pondering what might come next, I attended a faith in writing course taught by Ann Weems, who is a wonderful poet. I had not written poetry before that conference, but have been doing so since then. God seems to keep turning me back to writing as a calling, and I remember well Ann insisting that faith in writing is a ministry. So perhaps this next year will allow me to share what I have learned of drinking deeply of the living water of Christ through my poetry. A scary blessing, but then most blessings are.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
As I was pondering this topic and how best to speak to our congregation (which this time will include one of my sons and his wife!), I received a phone call advising me that I'd won first place in poetry and non-fiction in this year's local literary contest. A second call told me as a result of winning the poetry prize, I would be named poet laureate for the next year. I am still in shock over that! As I concluded my seminary education and was pondering what might come next, I attended a faith in writing course taught by Ann Weems, who is a wonderful poet. I had not written poetry before that conference, but have been doing so since then. God seems to keep turning me back to writing as a calling, and I remember well Ann insisting that faith in writing is a ministry. So perhaps this next year will allow me to share what I have learned of drinking deeply of the living water of Christ through my poetry. A scary blessing, but then most blessings are.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Tasting and Seeing
This has been a long week. My little granddaughter has been in the hospital with a stomach virus, and I've been worried about her. I learned when our first grandchild came along that one of the hardest things about being a grandma is standing on the sidelines and waiting. Being a woman of action, I find that difficult. My son just called to say they were on their way home from the hospital, and I realized I've been holding my breath waiting to hear she was doing better. When kids are this little, they can't really give them anything to stop the vomiting. Instead they hook them up to an IV and hope that keeps their fluid level up enough so that they can survive until the virus has run its course.
The first night she was in the hospital, my son soberly reflected on the kids in third world countries who don't have access to health care and die from the kind of illness that hospitalized my little granddaughter. My son and I talked about the fact that their parents and grandparents don't love them any less than we love this sweet little girl. In Eugene Peterson's version of Psalm 34 in The Message, the Psalmist says: "Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see--how good God is. Blessed are you who run to him." We have certainly run to God and clung to him this week, and as always God was waiting with open arms to support us.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
The first night she was in the hospital, my son soberly reflected on the kids in third world countries who don't have access to health care and die from the kind of illness that hospitalized my little granddaughter. My son and I talked about the fact that their parents and grandparents don't love them any less than we love this sweet little girl. In Eugene Peterson's version of Psalm 34 in The Message, the Psalmist says: "Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see--how good God is. Blessed are you who run to him." We have certainly run to God and clung to him this week, and as always God was waiting with open arms to support us.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Being Important
I'm thankful that today is the primary here in Texas. This year Texas is considered an important state so the candidates have been lavishing attention on us. I've lost count of the many computerized phone calls we've received. John McCain just "called," and Hillary "called" before lunch. Perhaps there are those who are impressed to hear the recorded voice of someone important. Personally, I prefer the human touch and was more impressed by a call from a live human being asking for my vote. I am grateful for the opportunity we have to go to the polls in this country and for a choice of candidates. All too many around the world are not so lucky. Our friends in Cuba, for instance, just witnessed a presidential "election" in which the result was preordained. I'm willing to put up with a few phone calls in exchange for having a voice. That's a blessing. As for being important, I know that in God's eyes I matter and more than enough importance for me.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Rethinking priorities
This has been a week that has forced me to rethink life's priorities. My husband came home last week with the flu and graciously shared. This week as he was getting better I was getting worse. I am grateful we were not both sick at the same time. For a time, what became most important in my life was simply continuing to breathe and to drink. I didn't really care whether I ate or not. It's funny how such an experience always reminds me that many things in life that seem important don't matter all that much when you are forced back upon life's elemental basics. Of course I would consider love one of those basics, and I have been blessed by my husband's love and care as I've recuperated.
Ironically, I've struggled this week to complete my sermon for tomorrow, which is based on the Apostle Paul's assertion that we Christians can boast in our sufferings because suffering produces endurance, endurance produces character, and character produces hope. While as suffering goes, this has been small compared to the sufferings of others, surviving the experience required me to endure. I'm not sure how much it has enhanced my character, but I'm grateful for God's help in all of this. In that help is my hope, which is the sermon in a nutshell now that I think about it. The sermon is done, by the grace of God as always, but more so this time as I've not been thinking all that clearly. Hopefully tomorrow will go well for the sake of those coming to worship. I've learned to rely on God for leading worship and God has never failed me. I don't expect tomorrow to be any different.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Ironically, I've struggled this week to complete my sermon for tomorrow, which is based on the Apostle Paul's assertion that we Christians can boast in our sufferings because suffering produces endurance, endurance produces character, and character produces hope. While as suffering goes, this has been small compared to the sufferings of others, surviving the experience required me to endure. I'm not sure how much it has enhanced my character, but I'm grateful for God's help in all of this. In that help is my hope, which is the sermon in a nutshell now that I think about it. The sermon is done, by the grace of God as always, but more so this time as I've not been thinking all that clearly. Hopefully tomorrow will go well for the sake of those coming to worship. I've learned to rely on God for leading worship and God has never failed me. I don't expect tomorrow to be any different.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
A Death in the Family
I just received a message from our daughter-in-law. They are taking their boxer, Max, to the vet today to be put down. He developed cancer recently and has gone downhill rapidly. He woke up in pain this morning, and they don't want him to suffer anymore. They got the dog when our son was in medical school in Houston after a break in and shooting in the complex where they were living at the time. Since then Max has loved and protected his family with all his big heart. I'd never been around a boxer before, and I was impressed with how gentle and patient he was with our grandkids. He would walk carefully and stop in mid-stride when they crawled underneath. More recently he has put up with the attention of our little granddaughter, who has alternately tugged on him and dropped food to him from her high chair. She's not yet 2 and will not understand where her big friend has gone. I suspect this will be harder for her 5 year old brother as it will be his first experience of death and loss. I pray God will give me the right words when he wants to talk about it. We're going down for his birthday party this weekend. I think I'll tell him that I know that God is love, and I know that the God who created Max loved him as much as his family did. I may also tell him if he asks that Max has gone to a place where he will never be in pain again. Sounds like heaven to me.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Friday, February 1, 2008
Apocalypse
I make my husband a little crazy by reading in bed for a few minutes each night before turning off my bedside light. Lately I've been reading Amazing Grace by Kathleen Norris and savoring her essays on the difficult words in the vocabulary of faith. Last night I read her thoughts on one of the most difficult faith words for me--apocalypse. Like me Norris says she has a hard time with those whose approach to evangelism is to beat people verbally over the head with accusations of sinfulness and threats of hell-fire and damnation. I like Norris' reminder that the apocalyptic writings in the Bible were written to those who were marginalized by the larger culture in which they lived and who had little or no stake in the status quo. I especially like her argument that apocalyptic literature is about hope, the hope that "despite considerable evidence to the contrary, in the end it is good that will prevail." Thus the God who is promised at the end of the apocalyptic book of Revelation is one who will come to wipe all our tears away. What a beautiful and hopeful image!
As I struggle to write about another trip to Cuba with a group from our church in a way that will reach the hearts and minds of those who have not had the opportunity to visit with the Christians in that country, I find myself returning again and again to the hope and joy I experienced in the churches and in the lives of the individuals we met there. As Kathleen Norris so wisely writes, we humans seem to show our real strength best when we are faced with disaster--when our perpetual delusion of self-sufficiency is shattered, at least momentarily. That is when we can begin to see "what is possible in the new life we build from the ashes of the old." The Cuban Christians have learned to live faithfully in a society that has experienced radical changes in my lifetime and in a place where everyday life is difficult. And yet these faithful Christians joyfully demonstrate the kind of hope Norris writes about. Like the writers in the Bible who proclaimed hope in the midst of calamity, the Cuban Christians live out God's possibilities in the midst of incredibly difficult circumstances. I pray I will find the words to convey the hope that they have and the reason for that hope to those here who are in need of such promise, which on any given day is most of us.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
As I struggle to write about another trip to Cuba with a group from our church in a way that will reach the hearts and minds of those who have not had the opportunity to visit with the Christians in that country, I find myself returning again and again to the hope and joy I experienced in the churches and in the lives of the individuals we met there. As Kathleen Norris so wisely writes, we humans seem to show our real strength best when we are faced with disaster--when our perpetual delusion of self-sufficiency is shattered, at least momentarily. That is when we can begin to see "what is possible in the new life we build from the ashes of the old." The Cuban Christians have learned to live faithfully in a society that has experienced radical changes in my lifetime and in a place where everyday life is difficult. And yet these faithful Christians joyfully demonstrate the kind of hope Norris writes about. Like the writers in the Bible who proclaimed hope in the midst of calamity, the Cuban Christians live out God's possibilities in the midst of incredibly difficult circumstances. I pray I will find the words to convey the hope that they have and the reason for that hope to those here who are in need of such promise, which on any given day is most of us.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
I've become a "Hon"
Sometime in the past few months I seem to have crossed over some invisible barrier in my life's journey. Recently my health care providers, as well as my young physician, have started to refer to me as "Hon." Granted the ones I'm thinking about are young enough to be my children, and I am approaching 60 at warp speed. But I confess I'm not sure how I feel about this development. On the one hand, I prefer "Hon" to other nicknames I could conjure up, but on the other hand it makes me feel that old age is catching up with me. I'm nearly certain this form of address is a term of endearment and that no harm is meant, but I also came of age when being called "Hon" under some circumstances could start a demonstration or at least an argument. So perhaps that's why this whole experience has made me uneasy. Or perhaps I would not have taken notice at all, except that I'm keenly aware that I will be 60 in a couple of years, and that has me more focused on my age, something I don't ordinarily spend a lot of time contemplating.
I guess ideally I had hoped somehow that in my old age I would be referred to as one of those individuals the Psalmist compares to "trees planted by streams of water, which yield their fruit in its season, and their leaves do not wither. In all that they do, they prosper." Now that seems to me to be a worthy goal for any one's life. I suppose I could tell these young women I'd much prefer to be called a tree, instead of a "Hon," but somehow I don't think they would understand. Maybe someday they will, but by then I'll have long since passed from this life to the next, hopefully after having left some worthy fruit behind in God's good creation.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
I guess ideally I had hoped somehow that in my old age I would be referred to as one of those individuals the Psalmist compares to "trees planted by streams of water, which yield their fruit in its season, and their leaves do not wither. In all that they do, they prosper." Now that seems to me to be a worthy goal for any one's life. I suppose I could tell these young women I'd much prefer to be called a tree, instead of a "Hon," but somehow I don't think they would understand. Maybe someday they will, but by then I'll have long since passed from this life to the next, hopefully after having left some worthy fruit behind in God's good creation.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Our times are in your hands
I remember learning a Bible verse when I was a little girl, "our times are in your hands." Of course at the moment I cannot remember exactly where in the Bible the verse can be found. Today we made the long trip to Houston and back again to visit my husband's father and his wife. My father-in-law is seriously ill and for the first time as he nears 90 he looks like an old man. He is in pain and not thinking clearly, and his wife is struggling to care for him. My husband seems to be taking this better than my sons at this point. They are worried about their grandfather, for all that he has not made a lot of effort to spend much time with them. He has made some effort over the years. My prayer partners are praying for the doctors to figure out what is wrong with him. His wife hopes once they figure it out, they will be able to make him better. My husband is not so sure. Probably that comes from being a doctor himself.
Coincidentally, not long ago I had a conversation with my own father about death. He will be 85 this year and is slowing down considerably. I've been amazed at how well he has coped with blindness these last few years, but his body is slowing down and he seems to miss my mom more with each passing year, even though she's been gone for 15 years now. Perhaps as the discomfort of pregnancy eventually makes labor and delivery seem less terrifying, so our aging bodies eventually make the promise of what a good pastor friend calls "the next adventure" seem less frightening.
I'm glad I remember the verse from my childhood, and I'm even more glad that I know in the depths of my soul that my times are indeed in God's hands. As one seminary professor said, they are good hands, you know. I hope I can remember that when it's my time to move on to the next adventure. As I told my dad, as my body continues to age, sometimes not at all gracefully, I am slowly learning that at some point it will not be such a bad thing to lay down this wonderful life for the one to come. I think that's what my dad was trying in his oblique way to tell me himself.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Coincidentally, not long ago I had a conversation with my own father about death. He will be 85 this year and is slowing down considerably. I've been amazed at how well he has coped with blindness these last few years, but his body is slowing down and he seems to miss my mom more with each passing year, even though she's been gone for 15 years now. Perhaps as the discomfort of pregnancy eventually makes labor and delivery seem less terrifying, so our aging bodies eventually make the promise of what a good pastor friend calls "the next adventure" seem less frightening.
I'm glad I remember the verse from my childhood, and I'm even more glad that I know in the depths of my soul that my times are indeed in God's hands. As one seminary professor said, they are good hands, you know. I hope I can remember that when it's my time to move on to the next adventure. As I told my dad, as my body continues to age, sometimes not at all gracefully, I am slowly learning that at some point it will not be such a bad thing to lay down this wonderful life for the one to come. I think that's what my dad was trying in his oblique way to tell me himself.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Friday, January 11, 2008
Back to the Beginning
My husband and I went to our first Conversational Chinese class last night, and we are going to learn more than conversation including some reading and some writing of Chinese characters. The teacher is a young woman from China, and her enthusiasm and encouragement are contagious. She believes we can do this, so I'm willing to suspend my own disbelief and charge ahead. My husband and I have actually been working for many months on learning to speak some Mandarin Chinese using CDs that our son loaned us. He's learning Chinese as well, but he has a wife who speaks it so he has an advantage we are lacking. We have good motivation, however, as our daughter-in-law is speaking Chinese to our baby suinzi (that's our grandson). We want to be able to understand him when he starts babbling. Hopefully we can learn enough to learn along with him when he starts talking.
As we headed out for class last night, I remembered something I'd not thought about in years and that is that my husband and I met as freshmen in college over 40 years ago. Standing in the bookstore line this morning waiting to buy the textbook for the class, I told my husband I had never pictured myself going back to college as a grandmother. Life does have a way of circling around upon itself, and God does have a wonderfully, wacky sense of humor. Even if I had thought about returning to school someday back when I was a college student, I would never in my wildest dreams have envisioned signing up for Chinese lessons!
But now I get to have two nights a week back at college with my college sweet heart, who's the only one who calls me Donna Sue. What a blessing, and something to make my heart sing an old almost-forgotten song.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
As we headed out for class last night, I remembered something I'd not thought about in years and that is that my husband and I met as freshmen in college over 40 years ago. Standing in the bookstore line this morning waiting to buy the textbook for the class, I told my husband I had never pictured myself going back to college as a grandmother. Life does have a way of circling around upon itself, and God does have a wonderfully, wacky sense of humor. Even if I had thought about returning to school someday back when I was a college student, I would never in my wildest dreams have envisioned signing up for Chinese lessons!
But now I get to have two nights a week back at college with my college sweet heart, who's the only one who calls me Donna Sue. What a blessing, and something to make my heart sing an old almost-forgotten song.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Reading and Writing
I spent three days this past week with Christian writers from around the country at the annual writers' festival at the local university where I taught this past year. It was such an amazing experience to listen to these remarkable poets and authors read from their works, and to participate in workshops with them to try to improve my writing skills. If you have not encountered Angela O'Donnell, Alan Berecka and Anne McCrady's poetry, you are missing out. They write beautifully about life and about God. Spending that much time in the company of those who use the English language to create works of great beauty was a real privilege. It inspires me to keep working to hone my skills. That will give me plenty of work to do this in this New Year. Part of me wishes it were easier, but in my heart of hearts I also know that if it were too easy I would rapidly become bored.
On the reading front, members of our church are participating in a program to read through the Bible this year, something I've not sat down and done cover to cover, though I've read large chunks of it. I started this afternoon and am enjoying reading Eugene Peterson's The Message, which is a translation written in contemporary language. It was especially fun to read the story of Noah after having watched the movie Evan Almighty this past week. I could easily picture all the animals and laughed when I read the last verse in Chapter 6. After God has told Noah to collect two of every species of bird, mammal and reptile to save them from the flood, God then tells Noah, "Also get all the food you'll need and store it up for you and them." Even with a large ark that's a lot of food and a lot of grocery shopping! What a great story that has come down to us from centuries ago. I'm going to enjoy the reading assignments this year.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
On the reading front, members of our church are participating in a program to read through the Bible this year, something I've not sat down and done cover to cover, though I've read large chunks of it. I started this afternoon and am enjoying reading Eugene Peterson's The Message, which is a translation written in contemporary language. It was especially fun to read the story of Noah after having watched the movie Evan Almighty this past week. I could easily picture all the animals and laughed when I read the last verse in Chapter 6. After God has told Noah to collect two of every species of bird, mammal and reptile to save them from the flood, God then tells Noah, "Also get all the food you'll need and store it up for you and them." Even with a large ark that's a lot of food and a lot of grocery shopping! What a great story that has come down to us from centuries ago. I'm going to enjoy the reading assignments this year.
Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue
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