Grace

Only one more day is left in this year. I wonder what the new one will bring. I plan on being more intentional in the writing this coming year. I am glad to have a few days to slow down after the rush of the last few weeks, topped off by preaching in my home church the day after Christmas, while our new pastor was away visiting family. The week before Christmas, our church hosted three families through the Family Promise program. My husband and I usually sign up as overnight hosts, and we slept on a blow-up bed on the floor of the pastor's office again. A couple of nights later when we came to church for choir practice, we had a chance to see some of our guests again. I heard music as we left practice and went downstairs to investigate. There I found that night's hosts, the youth director and her husband, along with their daughter and two teenagers from two of the three families at the piano, playing and singing Christmas carols. One of the teenagers played her flute and the other sang like an angel. I joined in along with my husband and the choir director, who was coaxed into playing. For a time, we were no longer separated by the chasm between those who have homes and those who don't, but were one family, joined together by God's grace through the power of music.

Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue

Fast Eddy

My sons would chide me for thinking and writing about death. Two posts in a row on the subject of death is unusual, but this has been that kind of a week. I learned when I made one of my regular trips to the gym that an older gentleman I often saw there had died of a heart attack. Edward, one of the trainers, told me. He described this individual, and I knew immediately who he meant. Edward said he called him "Fast Eddy." I did not know Fast Eddy well. In fact I still don't know his real name, though I did talk with him one day about his career as a railroad conductor. After that, we greeted each other regularly. The gym is that kind of a community, and his passing cast a shadow over us all this week.

Fast Eddy was one of my heroes because of his courage and tenacity. I learned the first time I saw him that he was recovering from a stroke when I listened to others greet him. He walked slowly with a cane into the gym that day and was received with warmth and encouragement. Sometime later, after an extended absence, he returned following yet another stroke, moving even more slowly. But he still continued to come and to use the weight machines. Now I know I will not see him again, and there's a tiny hole in my heart. It seems strange to grieve someone I did not know well, but it is a timely reminder of our connection with one another. None of us will ever really know how much of an impact we have on the lives of those we encounter in this life. We are each uniquely important to each other and to God.

Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue

Going Home

I knew it had been some time since I last posted to this blog, but I did not realize how long it had been. Life has been good, but busy with lots of extra church work of late. Now that our new pastor has arrived, my life has slowed down a bit. I have been thinking this week about the funeral of a neighbor I attended a few days ago. It was a sad, but also a joyous occasion--the most joyful funeral I've ever experienced. Helen had moved in next door with her son and daughter-in-law a few years ago when her health deteriorated. I did not know her well, though I saw her often out walking their little dog. We rarely stopped to talk, however, as her dog did not like our two big ones. What I remember, is that she always had a sweet smile and a warm greeting each time we met. If life was getting her down, it was not apparent, even recently after her health had became so bad that she had to walk with an aide.

I learned more about Helen at the funeral, which was a celebration of her life with much laughter amid the tears. She had been a nurse for many years, and her huge extended family expressed their gratitude for her love and care. I think the story that told me the most about her, however, was the one her pastor related about a baseball game in which she participated just a couple of years ago when she was 81. She hit the ball and slid into second base and eventually scored. He said he had to stop her from climbing over the fence to retrieve a fly ball that went awry. What an amazing lady!

I do not know how much longer I will have of this life I love, but I hope that I too will be able to slide into second base and make it home at the very end. I also hope that my family and friends will remember me after I'm gone with as much love and genuine affection as I heard expressed by Helen's family and friends. Her funeral was a testament to a full life of love and service to God. I'm glad to have known Helen, and I am grateful she has made it home at last.

Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue

God's mercies are new every morning

Actually what the Bible says is, "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23. I have thought about those verses as I've used a new application or app for my i-Phone, which I originally downloaded to help me track calories when I'm away from home. I have been trying to lose a few pounds to help lower my cholesterol since I cannot tolerate the modern medicines that would do it for me. It has been a frustrating battle, but a necessary one.

When I read about apps that would help count calories, I checked them out and downloaded one that had a high user rating. Now I am hooked on this particular app. Not only does it have lots of information about food, but it also helps me track exercise. Now I can easily type in what I eat and add in exercise as I do it, which promptly adds to my calorie total for the day so that I can eat a bit more and still lose weight over the long haul. I find that a great motivator to keep moving.

What I have come to appreciate even more than the information, convenience and encouraging feedback, however, is the way the app gives me a fresh start each day. Every morning when I log in, I find that I have a clean slate. I have not yet indulged in too many calories or done too little exercise. I have the promise that today I have the opportunity to do better than yesterday. That reminded me of this verse in Lamentations with its promise that in life God gives me a fresh start and a clean slate each morning, regardless of how I did the day before. What a blessing to know my failures from yesterday are behind me. I can try to do better today. What a great gift from a loving God to keep me moving in the right direction in my life's journey.

Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue

The God who fulfills his purpose for me

I was comforted by the words of Psalm 57 this morning, especially by the idea that it is God who will fulfill his purpose for me. I don't have to do that on my own. What a blessing! Especially when a good bit of the time I'm not sure I know what God's purposes are. I did not expect to be doing what I'm doing at this stage of my life, writing and occasionally preaching and teaching. Yesterday I preached about the walls we humans build between each other, using the first line from Robert Frost's poem, Mending Wall, as a title. I think it went well, but it's always hard to know. People at our home church where I preached this time are always so gracious and encouraging. I did not study preaching in seminary. I went to learn more about ethics and hoped to use that knowledge to teach. I had an opportunity to do that for a few years, but now God seems to keep calling me back to the writing. I am trying to respond and to continue to improve my skills. I was not an English major, and it makes a difference, for all that I wrote regularly and carefully for many years of law practice. In spite of my regular doubts and insecurities, however, I have found the writing to be a blessing in my life. And I hope it occasionally blesses the lives of others.

Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue

Hello and Goodbye

I remember when I was in seminary, our first grandchild was born within days of the death of another student's grandmother. Somehow life just seems to be like that. We are awaiting the imminent arrival of another grandchild and are on call to go and take care of his older brother when mom and dad head for the hospital. Yesterday, my husband's cousin called to let us know his brother, who had been battling cancer, had just died. Now my husband will be making a trip north for the service, and I will stay here. I hate to send him alone, but I do not want to be many hours away when the call comes that our new grandson is on the way. So it is a bittersweet time in our lives, saying goodbye to a good man and mourning his passing as we await the arrival of another beautiful child in our family. Sometimes life is more of a roller coaster ride than at other times, and this is one of those up and down times. I am thankful for family to care about, some people are not so blessed, and for the love that fuels both sadness at death and joy at new life. In this time as in all times, God is good.

Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue

Life Changes

We voted this morning to allow our pastor to sever her relationship with our congregation. That's the way we Presbyterians do such things. I teased her husband before the service and asked what would happen if we simply voted no. But part of loving someone is being willing to let them go when that is what they need to do. The ancient Chinese were right. Crisis presents both danger and opportunity. This change in our church life is a crisis in that sense. The danger is that our church family will split apart in the crucible of the coming change. The opportunity is that we will continue to grow in new and exciting ways. I pray God will help us to take the second path. At the moment, however, I'm coping with a sense of deep sadness as Margaret has been not only a pastor, but a good friend as well, and I will miss her. Coupled with the illness I have battled for the past three weeks, it's been a difficult month. I'm hoping that my mood will improve now that I'm feeling better. I know my grief will ease with time. For now I'm trying to focus on the many blessings in my life. God is good, even in times of sadness and unwanted change.

Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue

Athe merciful

I witnessed a small miracle this morning at the local U.S. Post Office substation, not a place I generally think of as miraculous. There were a couple of people ahead of me with the two clerks on duty at the counter. One woman was mailing heavy packages, probably for a business, so that understandably took awhile. Another woman was being assisted step by step in listing the contents of her two packages, popcorn, drink mix and cookies, and calculating the exact weight. She obviously needed the help. In fact when the clerk asked if she could help by taping one of the packages, after a moment the clerk gently said, "let me do that." The miracle was not in the kindness of the people who work there. I have seen them in action often, and in spite of the rudeness they sometimes encounter, they are always polite and helpful. The miracle was that no one in the growing line behind me verbally complained while we were kept waiting. I wonder if they assumed, as I did, that the women who needed help was mailing a package to a soldier overseas. If so, then it was our way of supporting our troops, and their families, by our actions. It's nice to be reminded once in awhile that ordinary people can be nice folk, even at the post office when you least expect it.

Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue

A walk back into the valley

I've been transcribing my journals from seminary with the thought of writing them up for a larger audience. So far I've only shared this with a good writer friend and our writing teacher, both of whom have been encouraging. I also thought perhaps I should continue the story after seminary to round it out, so I've been transcribing that time period today. That has been much harder as it's a darker story--at least initially. I underestimated how much the pain of that difficult time would echo through my being when I stepped back into that period of my life. I'm not at all sure that anyone else would be interested in reading what I wrote then. I certainly had no intention of sharing it with others at the time I wrote my honest and at times dismal ponderings in a journal. But perhaps just the exercise of going back through the story to see where I've been and how far I've come from that uncertain time is reason enough to slog through to the end, or more accurately the beginning of my current life. And it's good to rejoice in the knowledge that God has been faithful throughout my life, no matter my doubts and fears and anger. God is good, all the time, even when I don't necessarily recognize that goodness in my life.

Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue

Be still and know

"Be still and know that I am God," the Psalmist says. That's a tall order for me most days. But last week camping in Big Bend, it was easy. The silence in the Chisos Mountains campground was like listening to God's heartbeat. I felt surrounded by the silence like a warm embrace. Here in my ordinary life, I am blessed with a good bit of silence, and I've learned I need that for my soul's health. The time in the mountains was different somehow. I found myself simply enjoying sitting and being for a time. One of my favorite seminary professors said once that "it's hard to hear God's voice in a place such as this," i.e. the world in which we live. In the Chisos Mountains it was easier. I felt God's presence all around us. I also found reading the Psalms to be a different experience, more immediate perhaps, as we lived in a tent and hiked the mountains. I think perhaps living in circumstances more like those of the psalmist made the words more powerful. This was our first visit to Big Bend out in West Texas, and we will go back. I'm trying to hold onto the silence and memory of God's presence as I reenter daily life here, for daily life is where I'm called to serve God most of the time.

Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue

Spring explosion

I don't think I will ever become accustomed to the way spring simply explodes out of nowhere here in Central Texas. Somehow spring's arrival seemed more gradual in the north where I grew up. Only a couple of weeks ago, we had snow and all was grey and dreary when it melted. Then I realized that the neighbors' red bud trees were blooming, and the native plants in our yard are sporting spring green. Yesterday when I walked the dogs, it was warm, almost 80, and a hint of the summer that will be here all too soon. I have learned that spring here is fleeting so I try to soak it up while I can. Not long ago I was having trouble remembering what it felt like to be warm outside, as last August I could not remember what it felt like to walk outside and be cool. I am glad for the regularity of the seasons, which come and go no matter what else changes in my life. They are a reminder of God's faithfulness. Just like the coming of spring, I can count on God always being there, no matter the circumstances of my life. I'm grateful for that knowledge.

Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue

God's promises are new every morning

After I fetched the dogs from the vet where they stayed while we were visiting grand kids this weekend, I took them for a walk. What with the weather and the travel and too much to do, it had been several days since our last walk. As I looked around I saw lots and lots of robins feasting on the neighbors' yards as well as green shoots pushing up through the ground, a few daffodils and one tree that has burst into bloom. Even though the weather has once again become cloudy and colder, I'm content in the knowledge that spring will come once again as it has every year of my life. Somehow that reminds me of God's faithfulness and the reminder in Lamentations in the Bible that God's promises are new every morning. I like the idea that I get a new start with each new day.

Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue

Love is action, not feeling

I can't remember who said love is action, not feeling, but I've come to realize the wisdom in that perspective. It's easy to say you love someone, but demonstrating that takes real effort. I thought about that this past weekend as we travelled 1200miles to help my brother celebrate his 50th birthday and to visit my husband's cousin, whose cancer has spread. The only reason we made such a trip in the midst of bad weather was because we love these people. Our presence is important to them, which made the grueling trip worth all the effort. The Bible says that God is love, and those who love are of God. I guess that is why love, like God, is powerful. That power drew us across hundreds of miles of frozen landscape to see two people who are important in our lives. I like to think they would do the same if our positions were reversed. Maybe by being there to show our love, we made God's presence real for them.

Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue

Growing Old

I realized this weekend that the last two funerals I've been to have been for the brothers of friends and fellow church members. Death is starting to hit closer to home. I've been thinking about getting older a lot lately. I guess to some extent that's a good thing so I don't take any of the time left for granted. Where once we went to graduations and wedding showers and weddings and baby showers, now we are supporting the same friends at funerals. I suspect there will be more of that. It's that time of life. I trust God will see us through this time of life as God has seen us through the previous stages. How grateful I am to have my faith to fall back on. I will try not to depress my sons too much with the constant reports of illness and death. Life still produces lots of good news to celebrate as well.

Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue

Giving Thanks

I was privileged to spend most of this past weekend with women from our church. We laughed a lot and shed some tears as well as we gathered around the theme of Women of God's Good Earth. Jan Seale, a gifted Texas writer and poet was our leader. I was responsible for the vespers services on Friday and Saturday evenings. As we were all weary Friday evening coming in from our busy lives, I talked about making space for God, using the book Space for God, and then engaged them in contemplative prayer, after giving each woman a candle to light. I thought with a candle in their laps they'd be less likely to fall asleep. Saturday night, I talked about gratitude to God, using another chapter from the same book, and asked them to list things they were thankful for from their time at the retreat. As I listened to them share from their hearts the things for which they were thankful and looked at their beautiful faces shining in the light from their candles, my heart was full of gratitude for the privilege of knowing them. They have blessed my life with their friendship. We closed with "Women at the Well" and "Sus Madres," two poems by Anne McCrady, another gifted Texas writer and poet. I think as long as there are women gathering together to pray and give thanks to God, there is hope for God's good earth yet.

Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue

Heart Sick

I've watched the news about the aftermath of the earthquake in Haiti with much sadness. I cannot imagine how I would cope if there was no water, no electricity, no food, no safe place to sleep, and no effective government to enforce security and begin to fix the problems. If I added on top of that losing those I love, I would probably not function at all. Perhaps knowing that is what has had me weeping over the pictures of people looking lost, and of the injured children especially. I think only God can begin to help anyone to recover from such a monumental disaster.

Like many of my family and friends,especially the Christians, I was appalled by Pat Robertson's comments. I don't worship a God that willfully kills people by the thousands. From all that I have read and heard on thoughtful news programs, poverty contributed immensely to the problems. And this country has had a hand in Haiti for many years, not always in a helpful way. Which leaves me to conclude that while it was God's creation that shook the island, the disaster that followed resulted in large part from human action or inaction. I pray the recovery will be helped by human action for the better. And I continue to pray for those children of God in Haiti.

Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue