Hurting Heart

The past few months have been difficult, and I'm looking forward to that artificial clean slate that comes with the New Year. I said goodbye to my latest class of students a little over a week ago, and I miss them. Several have graduated and are moving on in their life journeys. They were a bright spot in the bleakness of coping with my dad's illness and death this fall. I suppose in light of what's been going on in my life of late, it's not too surprising that my heart has been hurting. Unfortunately it's been more than emotional hurt as I've struggled again the last few months with palpitations and spells of rapid heart beats. The doctors have me on a monitor that records the problems so they can see if this is something that can be fixed. I hope so. This past week has been especially difficult, and left me contemplating my own mortality. That's probably a good thing for most of us to do from time to time. In any case, this past week after a particularly bad 24 hours, my husband and I went to dinner to celebrate with our church choir at the organist's home. As we gathered around the piano in her brightly decorated living room to sing Christmas carols, I closed my eyes and thought that if I had to die anytime soon, the memories of the beautiful music would carry my spirit heavenward. Then I thanked God for the good life I've had. My husband thinks that whatever is going on with my heart is not life threatening, and that's a good thing to know. I hope to live to see my beautiful grandkids grow up and to have a few more years to serve God here on God's good earth. As has been true from the beginning, however, my times are in God's good hands, and I'm content to rest in the peace of that knowledge.

Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue

Remember I love you

It's been almost a month since my last post. My dad two days after my last entry, and the past few weeks have been surreal in many ways. I think I have delayed writing this because it means acknowledging in a concrete way that he is really gone. For all that I know that, I still find myself reaching for the phone to call and talk with him. Even knowing that for the last month or so before he died that was no longer possible. He became much weaker and demented and was unable to talk on the phone anymore. I miss our conversations about life and about God. He was fond of telling me that God laughs when we tell God our plans for the future. I am grateful he is no longer suffering, and my heart smiles as I picture him reunited with my mother, who died fifteen years ago. He missed her more every year. So I'm trying not to grieve as those who have no hope, but rather in the sure and certain hope of the resurrection. And I'm grateful that my dad ended every phone call with, "Remember I love you." Even though I can't call him any more, I can still hear his voice reminding me of his love. Remember I love you too, Daddy.

Grace and Peace,
Donna Sue